Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
