I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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