if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My liver just had a heart attack.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
