1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
