she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize