dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
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