dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
