You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
