Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
