Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Even my vagina gasped.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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