I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
