Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
this hospital has no fireball
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
