I need help removing her.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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