when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
