I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
