I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
