Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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