overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
