i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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