She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
