When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
