my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
