Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
