So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
