If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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