went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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