I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
