Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
