It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
