I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
