The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
