The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
