So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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