Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Come see our sink grown plant.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
