its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
