Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
