I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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