Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
