OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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