careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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