She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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