I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
