shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize