This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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