I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
