tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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