I met the friendliest cop last night
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize