Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize