haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
