omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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