Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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