I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
