I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
