God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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