you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
