You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
