just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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