Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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