drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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