apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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