I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
