Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize