i need an iv and a liver transplant
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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