ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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