Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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